


Chasing a could-have-been

by evakuality



Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Druck Fandom Gift Exchange, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:33:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21615394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakuality/pseuds/evakuality
Summary: At school, Matteo missed his chance to really get to know David.  After one good conversation things just never seemed to progress and he left school with a sense of 'what could have been' and some regrets.  Then they meet again a few years later ...
Relationships: Matteo Florenzi/David (Druck)
Comments: 22
Kudos: 115





	1. Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> For @sand-wish-es on tumblr for the druck fandom gift exchange. It was a real pleasure to write this little thing and to participate in this event. Here's to many more to come!!

“You’ll come, right?” Jonas asks. He’s clearly desperate, and the tone in his voice is pleading. It’s not an easy one for Matteo to ignore. But the problem is, there’s some awkward history around what Matteo is being asked to do. Worse, it’s an awkward history Matteo can’t even tell Jonas about because he doesn’t know. He wasn’t there. Or rather, he was there but Matteo had never told him about the thing that almost-was, the thing that could-have-been.

Truthfully, Matteo shouldn’t have been surprised that things worked out as they did. After all, nothing ever goes as he wants it to. Still. At least there _was_ a boy, and he’d looked _back_ at Matteo _,_ however briefly _._ There was that one flickering moment in the hallway when everything had seemed to stop, the world had paused in its motion then sped up again, spinning blindly onwards, totally unaware that Matteo’s own personal world had been knocked off course and that nothing would ever be the same again.

And okay, that’s just a little bit dramatic considering that nothing ever came of it. There were some aborted, awkward attempts at conversation in the hallways around their lockers, filled with ‘na?’ and ‘alles klar?’ and at the time it had all felt like it was going _somewhere._ There had been a tension in the air, a look in the boy’s eyes, that had suggested he felt the same way. That suggested that he wanted it too, whatever was starting to bubble between them. That had, of course, been even more reasonable a thought _that_ day. The day when Matteo had hopped on a bus to drag his lazy ass two stops towards his home and run into the boy. David. 

They’d ended up back at Matteo’s home, smoking weed and managing to talk for the first time. Properly talk, that is. Not the stunted and stilted offerings at school. Weed, it seemed, was as much a lubricant for David as it was for Matteo, and he’d even laughed. The sound had gone straight through Matteo, making butterflies flutter in his chest and a blush stain his cheeks. The whole afternoon had been filled with a beautiful sort of promise, and Matteo had started to let himself hope.

But then David had left, abruptly and with no warning, and that had been that. Matteo had seen him around, and there’d been more of the stilted, awkward non-conversations that had characterised their earliest interactions. But nothing had come of the frisson Matteo had felt that one day, and there are still times even now years later when he thinks back to that day and imagines what might have been.

He’d be lying if that day wasn’t hovering in the back of his mind now when Jonas is making stupid puppy dog eyes at him. Hanna can’t go to the ridiculous and pretentious film and art show opening with Jonas, and Jonas has decided exactly who should take her place.

“I don’t know, Jonas,” Matteo says, trying to think of a good reason to get out of it. 

Matteo may not have paid that much attention to what David ended up doing (okay that’s a lie; he knows pretty accurately what David has been doing), but he knows it involves film and art and he knows David is still in Berlin. He runs considerable risk of bumping into David at this damn thing, and as embarrassing as it is, Matteo can admit to himself that he never really got over that could-have-been. He’s not sure he can survive a new meeting.

“Please, Matteo. Be a bro. I need someone there, you know that.”

Sighing, Matteo knows he’s going to end up giving in. Jonas has always been able to get him to do stuff he’s not all that keen on, and in this case there’s a tiny part of Matteo that wants to jump back in, wants to find out if there really was a could-have-been or if he’s been deluding himself all this time. That part of him is going to get him into a lot of trouble one day, Matteo thinks as he finally nods reluctantly and has to endure Jonas’s dance of delight around him.

So it is that he finds himself a few days later, stiff and uncomfortable in a suit Jonas has procured from somewhere for him, entering a large, modern looking building filled with the sort of glass and chrome facades that Jonas has always scoffed at.

“Why exactly are we doing this?” Matteo hisses as Jonas holds the door for him. “This place sucks already, and it’s not like you give a shit about stuff like this.”

Jonas shrugs. “I’m supporting a bro,” he says with a grin. “Actually, I think you might know him. He went to our school for a bit right before Abi.”

Matteo’s blood runs cold at the words because there’s only one person who that could be. No-one else started at school just before Abi. No-one else has interests in art and film and might need support from his bros. 

“There he is,” Jonas says cheerfully, waving to his left. 

Matteo looks in the direction indicated, and freezes in his spot. David looks just as fucking amazing as ever, only now he’s not shrouded in baggy black clothes and hiding behind a pair of headphones. No. Now he’s in a perfectly fitted blue suit, his hair is slicked back, the lines of his face have honed in a way that makes the angles and planes he already had a lot more devastating. 

Worse, his eyes are fixed on Matteo’s and they hold that same look in them. The one that had signalled so much promise _that day._ Only this time, there’s an intent and purpose in that look that takes Matteo’s breath away. 


	2. Hands

Swallowing his panic, Matteo leans over towards Jonas and hisses, “I’m not sure this is a great idea.”

Jonas has a grin on his face as he pats Matteo’s arm. “You promised,” he says cheerfully, pulling Matteo by the sleeve closer to David. “You’ll like David. He’s cool.”

Matteo forces a smile onto his face. He’s damned if he’s going to be the one who looks awkward and out of sorts at this latest meeting. He takes in a slight breath, squares his shoulders and attempts to still his racing heart. Then David is right there in front of Matteo and holding out his hand.

Up close, his eyes are a rich brown that sucks the breath right out of Matteo, the definition in his jaw is even more obvious at this distance, and his skin glows warm and soft under the sparkling glimmer of the room’s gleaming lights. He’s so attractive, that Matteo’s a genuinely flustered mess, heart racing and heat thundering into his cheeks, as he takes David’s hand in his own. The grasp is warm and firm, and David’s smile lights up his face in much the same way it did  _ that _ day.

It’s all Matteo can do to keep his eyes on David’s and not snatch his hand back as the touch makes him feel things he’d hoped were long buried. His body is flushed with warmth, probably from the suddenness of this encounter, and Matteo is finding it hard to focus.

“David,” he hears David saying as if through a fog and attempts to school his own face into something polite and neutral. They’re either playing the ‘I don’t know this person’ game, or David has genuinely forgotten who he is. Until he knows which it is Matteo is determined to keep his cool.

“Matteo,” he says as he lets go of David’s hand, resisting the urge to show how much that one touch affected him. It’s still warm where David’s fingers pressed against his own and he can feel a small tingle where one finger had trailed over his own fingertip. 

He swallows as he takes a tiny step back and looks to Jonas for some sort of support.

“You met before, right?” Jonas says, slapping David on the back. “David here was in some of my classes in our last year.”

“Mmmm,” Matteo says, as noncommittally as he can. He looks at David carefully, as if they really are mere acquaintances. “I don’t think we had classes together.”

David smiles, and there’s something knowing in that smile. He tilts his head to the side and his eyes flicker over Matteo in a way that suggests that he, too, is remembering  _ that _ day. 

“I saw you around a bit,” David says. “Like at the Abistreich planning.” He grins, lets his eyes drift up Matteo’s body again and making him flush with the memory of that meeting. Of the conversation they’d had. “But we didn’t have classes together, I don’t think.”

Matteo feels turned inside out. There’s something in David’s look that has him on edge as it’s becoming quite clear that David does remember  _ that _ day as well, and everything else they’d shared. It’s there in his eyes, in the way his lips twist into a conspiratorial smile as if they share some secret that Jonas isn’t in on. Which is true, but the very thought makes Matteo want to stutter in awkward memory of the other times they spent together. Why can’t he keep cool like David?

“I’m going to go get a drink,” Jonas says, turning to Matteo. “You want one?”

Dragging his eyes away from David, Matteo gives a tight smile. “Yeah, sure,” he says. “A beer would be cool.”

Jonas raises his brows at David, who raises his own glass to show he’s already got something. Once Jonas has disappeared into the crowd, Matteo sighs and looks back over at David. He’s resting back against the wall and there’s an intensity in his eyes that hadn’t been there when Jonas was still with them.

“So … uh. You’re exhibiting here?” Matteo asks, all the awkwardness he’d felt so many years ago returning now that they’re effectively alone.

“Sure am,” David says, smiling, his eyes hooded now as he leans his head back against the wall and looks in the direction Jonas had gone. He cuts his gaze back to Matteo quickly, catching him staring and making him blush. “But I don’t really care about that,” David adds, his hand ducking out to press one more quick touch onto the back of Matteo’s hand. “I want to know how you’ve been.”

Matteo shrugs, tries to act like that touch doesn’t flip something over inside his chest. He feels like there’s something more behind David’s question, but he’s not sure enough of himself to trust in what he hopes might be happening here.

“I’ve been doing stuff,” he says. “Nothing like you, though. With your art and your films.”

“You’ve been paying attention,” David says, his smile lighting his whole face this time. He looks as if some sort of weight has dropped from his shoulders, and Matteo thinks  _ fuck it. _ He’s tired of wondering, tired of all the what-ifs and could-have-beens. He wants to know for sure. So he turns his full attention onto David. Stops pretending to be casual and polite.

“And what if I have?” he says, quietly. David’s eyes widen and the casual smile he’s been wearing slips off his face. He licks his lips and nods, once. As if Matteo’s question has answered one of his own. And not the one he asked.

“I’ve been paying attention to you,” David admits and Matteo lets out his breath in a ragged sigh that would be embarrassing if it wasn’t mirrored by one of David’s. “I hoped you were paying attention back.”

“I was,” Matteo admits, and the look in David’s eyes makes him feel like he’s teetering on the edge of something.


	3. Lips

There’s a long silence as David watches him carefully. He drags his eyes away finally, takes a sip of his drink and Matteo is able to examine him in peace. He’s thinking, clearly, and there’s a tremble in his fingers that’s indicative of a lot of things unsaid.

When David looks back at Matteo, his smile is small and soft. “Why didn’t we ever get to know each other better?” he asks.

Matteo can feel the way his own smile slips and falters a little. He shrugs. “I don’t know,” he admits. “But I always wished I hadn’t been so mixed up in my own head.”

“I had all my own stuff, too,” David says, and his voice is unsteady, wobbles a little over the syllables. He turns back to Matteo. “I always regretted not taking it further.”

“Me too,” Matteo admits.

Jonas comes back with two glasses of beer, one of which he cheerfully hands over to Matteo. For his part, Matteo tries to engage in the conversation that springs up between Jonas and a clearly-distracted David. It’s filled with technical stuff about the art that’s on display tonight with some side swipes into politics. Matteo isn’t very knowledgeable on either subject, and his eyes keep drifting towards David’s lips, or his jawline, his perfect skin, or the way his hair sits so curled and glorious on his head. 

Still. He manages okay, he thinks; Jonas only knocks his elbow into Matteo’s side twice when his attention clearly drifted too far away from the topics they’re on. That’s fairly normal for Matteo, so he’s pretty sure Jonas hasn’t figured out that’s he’s not entirely present. Or not more so than usual anyway.

David’s eyes flicker towards Matteo’s, and there’s a wry tinge to his smile when Jonas isn’t watching. There’s a shared recognition that they’d really like to be alone and have some space to talk about  _ things.  _

Thankfully, someone Jonas knows comes up to them and whispers something in his ear that makes Jonas’s eyes go wide and a grin bloom on his face. He turns to Matteo with pleading eyes and leans in close.

“Do you mind if I duck out now? Apparently Hanna is just outside, and I’m kind of done with this place.”

Hiding the delight Jonas’s words bring up, Matteo nods. Normally he’d be furious at being ditched like this when Jonas had begged him to come in the first place. But today, his eyes flick to David and he can see a tense, expectant energy in his body that makes his own sing in response.

“You’re a bro,” Jonas says, clapping him on the back and giving David a salute as he and his friend turn and make their way through the crowd towards the exit.

David watches them go then leans in towards Matteo and grins himself. “It’s not a bad idea,” he says, laughter blossoming in his voice and making Matteo’s knees weak. “We could get out of here, too. No-one will notice.”

“But your art …” Matteo protests weakly, but he’s already moving, following David through the same crowd that had just parted to let Jonas through.

“It can exhibit itself without me.”

“I wanted to see it,” Matteo protests as they near the door. “Your art.”

Shrugging, David grins back over his shoulder at Matteo. “You can see it later,” he says, his eyes intense, and there’s really no way Matteo can deny that grin anything. So he swallows his protests and follows David through the door.

Once they get outside, Matteo stops to take in a deep breath of the cool evening air. His suit is tight and scratchy, and he wishes he was wearing his usual jeans and comfortable shoes. Beside him, David is quiet and when Matteo looks at him he’s startled to see him gazing at him. He blushes.

“What?”

David’s smile softens and he ducks his head a little. “I was just thinking how often I’ve wished for this moment. For another go at whatever was going on back then.”

Matteo shakes his head. “Sappy dick.”

He’s feeling reckless and free. Reaches out with one foot and tries to kick David’s legs out from under him. He’s still athletic enough to bounce out of the way, and he scowls at Matteo.

“Still the same little shit, I see,” David says, the scowl quickly slipping into something exasperated and affectionate. “The suit almost fooled me for a moment.”

Grinning, Matteo spins around so he’s walking backwards away from David. He stares a challenge, and David is quick to take it up. He follows Matteo, head tilted to the side and a fond smile on his face. Because he’s still trying to walk backwards, trying to tease David (or maybe impress him), Matteo trips over some broken paving. It crunches under his feet as they twist under him.

There’s a breathless moment where he’s suspended in air, then firm hands are on his arms and his fall is arrested. His heart beats faster, partly because of the adrenaline rush from the fall but at least partly because now David’s close, the way Matteo has always imagined, and he knows if he wanted to he could press their lips together. As if he reads the thought in Matteo’s head, David smiles and his eyes flicker over Matteo’s face as he licks his lips. 

“Careful,” David says, and there’s a teasing tone in his voice. “Don’t want to ruin that fancy suit.”

Matteo regains his footing, but David doesn’t remove his hands from Matteo’s upper arms. They’re still standing close together, and Matteo can almost count each hair in David’s lashes. His heart pounds as they stare at each other and time lengthens. He can’t be sure what David is thinking, but if it’s anything like Matteo’s it’s filled with nostalgia and a regret over lost moments.

Something shifts in David’s eyes, the teasing glints disappears into something determined and he leans in towards Matteo. 

Their lips brush. It’s small and it’s gentle but it releases something in Matteo, something that had wondered what this might be like. He grasps David’s suit lapel and drags him into a longer kiss, a deeper one filled with all the longing he’s felt for the last few years.

It’s everything he’s ever dreamed of and nothing he’d ever expected. It’s warm and hurried and desperate. And perfect.


	4. Everything

After what seems like an eternity, they break apart. Matteo smiles against David’s lips as they part, feels the soft, heady rush of warmth as David lets out a breath that sounds almost relieved. 

“Thank fuck,” David says finally, his forehead pressed against Matteo’s and his lips still hovering close enough to kiss.

The reverence in the words startles Matteo and he huffs out a laugh. “Thank fuck?”

David smiles and pulls back a little as his eyes flicker over Matteo’s face. He’s obviously pleased with whatever he sees when he searches there because the smile softens and his body relaxes under Matteo’s fingers. He smooths his hands over the front of David’s suit, lets them slide down until he can slip them under the shirt that’s been tugged loose in their exertions. David shivers as Matteo’s fingers brush the warm skin he finds there.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d punch me or kiss back,” he says quietly, a strange sincerity in the words as if it’s the entire, absolute truth.

Matteo barks out a laugh, surprised at the candid admission. “You’re a bit more forthright than you were in school,” he says.

David shrugs. There’s a slight tinge of pink on his cheeks, making him even more unfairly attractive. “I missed one chance because I was scared. Wasn’t going to miss another one.”

Something in his tone, soft and vulnerable, sends Matteo’s pulse racing and his palms sweating. It’s real and sweet, and altogether too much, making Matteo restless with all the new feelings swamping him. To cover, he bumps David’s shoulder with his own, laughing.

“Oh, I see. Saw an opportunity and ran with it, did you?”

The look David gives him is exasperated, but filled with a fondness that takes Matteo’s breath away for roughly the thousandth time this evening. “Actually I made an opportunity and ran with it,” he says. His fingers lift to trace a line down Matteo’s face and it’s hard to focus on the words. 

Once they do register, Matteo can feel his eyes squinting in suspicion. David laughs at the sight and pulls him into another kiss, this one brief, just a peck as if to remind himself that he can. Brief or not, it sends spikes of heat right through Matteo and he chases David’s lips, hoping to encourage another kiss.

It works, and their lips brush again. Then again. And again, until it’s not just short kisses, but longer ones, lingering, building heat and joy in equal measure. Matteo loses himself in it, letting every yearning thought he’s ever indulged have free rein in this shining moment.

“I might have made Jonas get you to come today,” David admits, finally pulling back and making Matteo’s heart still in his chest as his mind slowly returns to him after the heady fantasy of the kisses.

“You … what?”

David smiles again, a curl of his lips a wry acknowledgement of the stupidity of the situation.

“I wanted to see you again,” he says, fingers curling through Matteo’s hair and his eyes focused on them as if he’s fascinated by the way it looks. He glances back down at Matteo’s eyes after a moment. “So when Jonas was talking about how Hanna couldn’t come, I might have steered him in the direction of asking you instead.” He shrugs, moves his hands down to Matteo’s shoulders in order to pull Matteo back into him, presses another quick kiss to his lips. “I wanted to see if it was all just in my head, or if we could make up for lost time.”

Matteo’s giddy, light with the relief of knowing it wasn’t just him. The sense that things that had been paused suddenly lurched into life again is strong. Like they haven’t been forgotten, and that time was just waiting for the two of them to catch up.

Matteo reels David in closer, whispers, “I think we have a bit to catch up on,” and then kisses him. This one is deep, again. He needs to make sure it’s real, that David is still here and with him. That everything they missed out on is right here within his grasp.

As if he feels the same way, David presses closer as well. His hands slide back up and into Matteo’s hair, the fingertips leaving hot trails on his scalp and lighting him up from every point where they’re touching. He sighs, lets his own hands trail down and along David’s jaw, tracing the lines there the way he’d always imagined. It feels right, somehow. Real in a way that much of this evening hasn’t.

When they pull back again, Matteo whispers, “Thank fuck,” and David laughs.

He steps away and holds out a hand. Matteo takes it, and the world spins on, settled now back into its natural rhythm. Matteo knows it’s fanciful, and that nothing has really changed at all, but it feels fresh and new and as if a vista opens out in front of him. He’s held himself aloof in many ways over the last few years, living always with the weird feeling of regret pushing at him from behind. Now, though. Now there’s a knowledge that David has felt the same way. That makes a difference, cracks Matteo open in a whole new way. The regret fades into the reality of the here and now.

He squeezes David’s hand, and smiles when he feels the return squeeze. He glances sideways to see David staring at him with that burning intense look again.

“You want to go somewhere?” he asks, and Matteo nods, too overwhelmed by that look to speak.

They set off, going somewhere. Anywhere. It’s not important. Maybe David knows. Maybe he doesn’t. Regardless, Matteo feels light and free. They’re setting a course into the future, and whatever that may hold he knows that now, in this one shining moment, he and David are on the same page and heading in the same direction.


End file.
